CH 16 FREE TO BE ME
We have no place to call our own but we are not homeless.
We know no one who has gone before us on the path we’ve chosen and yet, we are not without direction.
We have been married for twelve years, but at times we are strangers, hanging onto opposite sides of a life raft, drifting in the same direction.
We have enough disappointments to crowd the stadiums he longs to someday fill with his music, but it would take ten thousand more of them to make us stop dreaming of filling them.
We are Hanako and Jiro in Japan.
Author’s note: With Hanako and Jiro in Japan, I wanted to explore a creative way to blog about my travels with Josiah, exercise my imagination, make our world come alive for you back home and really, really, digest what it was that I knew as we embarked on our new life in Japan.
But as has been my habit for as long as I can remember, I let my insecurities (in my writing, myself), and my fear of what you might think of us (our choices, my perspective), prevent me from being as honest and open about everything as I might have been over these last seven months.
I don’t think every gripe, challenge, or victory as we journey here will be beneficial to share…for myself or for you. But I do think there’s a lot I haven’t said so far, for the wrong reasons and I want to change that. If any of what I say resonates with you, the sharing will be worth it.
This past week has been one of significance in my life. I’ve seen my relationship with my best friend through fresh eyes, acknowledged some ugly truths about myself and known the intense desire to truly be free from the spiritual and emotional baggage I keep telling myself that I carry (when I know, that I know, that I know…that I am FREE of them).
With Hanako and Jiro in Japan, I’m going to still have fun writing about our experiences in a story format, but I’ll also be giving myself permission--freedom--to blog from my perspective, as myself, when that’s the voice that wants to come out.
It’s ironic, right? That I currently have the freedom in every, single, way, to write how I want, about what I want, when I want, and yet I’ve written all of these guidelines for myself about when and what I can write?
Maybe you don’t share the same experience when it comes to the creative process, but maybe you know what I’m saying in regard to your job, or in the way you’re raising your kids or in the way you relate to Jesus (or don’t relate), or the people you love: But I’m also pretty sure those limitations have their clingy, messy roots wrapped around the way you see yourself.
So…expect to hear a little more often from me. It might not always be the version of my life I want to put out there, but I will do it in the hope that it will be beneficial for me to share and for you to know.
photo by Nathan Dumlao